Breathe it in…

He is the most like me.

He is the one I butt heads with the most.

The one that first called me “mom”, and he’s growing up. He hangs somewhere in the midst between boy and man, lingering in each category for a while before returning to the other. Reminders of his boyhood like these sometimes catch me by surprise. I know they will become fewer and fewer. Car keys will replace small boyhood toys, a deep voice replacing his once squeaky coos. We’re in the phase of letting go. Very slowing letting go, but letting go all the same. It’s a stage I embrace and mourn at the same time. Nothing gives me greater joy than seeing him spread his wings, but the realization of how short the season of parenting is can be like a bomb inside. I’m not going to sit here and say enjoy every moment, because you won’t… and all that tends to do is make us, as mothers, feel bad about how we counted down the minutes till bedtime last night (or the last 27 nights…) BUT I will say respect the process. It is SUPPOSE to come with both waves of great relief and happiness that they are becoming more independent and also with a bittersweet tinged sadness that the baby you rocked and nursed and carried on your hip is slowly fading into a man.

And. It’s. Okay.

It’s okay to feel both. Just like it’s okay to have tough days intermixed with ones you feel like you are WINNING at this parenting gig! Life’s a great big ‘ole bowl of mess, filled with every kind of emotion and experience and effort. We were not meant to ride on a cloud of happiness and success our whole existence. This life is organic and messy; hard and beautiful; heartbreaking and soul lifting. All at once sometimes. Breathe it in. All of it. Don’t push that away. That is exactly what reminds you that you were created in God’s own image. That soul that stirs up all those thoughts and feelings and ultimately drives you back toward Him. Sometimes sending you to your knees in the process. Embrace that!

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6 thoughts on “Breathe it in…

  1. Beautifully put into words! I feel some what close to you even though I don’t know one thing about you and have never met you. It because our first born child was a boy in the same month and year and they are most like ourselves. we were both young and married our high school sweetheart and I found your blog and youtube when I needed it most and gleaned some much needed wisdom and inspiration! The one small difference is that I am not preparing to watch my son spread his wings and fly because I already have. He is with the Lord is heaven having a great time! Praise the Lord for his grace and eternal life! But I will be there in years to come when my second born is ready to spread his wings and I see it the same way you do a bittersweet moment of joys, and hard times. Thanks for all your inspiration and allow us to be a part of your life! I’m very greatfull to you and may the Lord bless you beyond the measure of this world!

    • I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to express my sympathy. And you’re absolutely right, PRAISE JESUS we will all be reunited one glorious day! God Bless you, Momma! Happy Mother’s Day to you!

  2. It’s a beautiful thing….raising boys. I don’t have any siblings, but have 7 kids. Four of them are boys and every day I learn something new about the opposite sex.

  3. Thank you for writing this post, it really spoke to the struggles I’m going through right now raising my three littles, five and under.
    You’ve inspired me and been like a friend that I didn’t know I needed, even though we’ve never met. Your videos have inspired me to keep working, organizing, enjoying my little ones, and pushing through.
    I absolutely love the end of this post. Just today, God has been pulling me back to Him and out of the pit of self pity that I had been stuck in. Thank you for your blog, hard work as a mom and Homeschooler, and vlog. Your experience and wisdom is helping me and I’m sure many others as well. Love in Christ! <3

  4. Wow, thank you for writing this! My oldest son turns 16 in June. I got pregnant with him at the ripe old age of 16 (gentle smiles). He has been my world since I was a young girl. He now works a full 40 hour a week job, & homeschools in the evenings. He is a social butterfly and lives for his friends on the weekends. I just told my husband a few weeks ago, that all of life is making me realize just how close we are to “the end”, and yet, the beginning of everything. I can literally feel every word you wrote deep in my bones. It’s exciting and bittersweet, all at the same time. Prayers for the both of us during this season of life.

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